Pandemic Parable: Hidden

Thursday, June 25, 2020

I am unearthing things that are hidden, or at least not obvious on the surface, in the hospital in Frederick, Maryland, where I am working as a Resident Chaplain until the end of August.

For example, I knew that there was a medical library that was located somewhere within the main campus. It was mentioned in the vast amount of literature I was given on starting at the hospital. Recently I wanted to track down a magazine article I had heard of.  But no one I asked seemed to know where the library was, or if it even existed.  Finally, one of the other chaplains said:

“I think I heard that it is on the second floor.  But I have no idea whereabouts.  And I don’t know anyone who has ever been.”

And he is assigned to that floor…

My curiosity was aroused.

I sensed a mystery.

In my head I had visions of a Harry Potter scenario.  One where you needed to summon up faith and walk through a brick wall to find the platform, and the train, that would take you to Hogwarts…

Wanting to get my 10,000 steps in daily, I regularly walk along the long corridors of the second floor before taking the stairs to the third, one of my allotted areas.  These hallways are social worker and administrative assistant land.  Many of the doors have remained shut, the offices behind them empty, during the height of the pandemic. However, a couple of weeks ago one of the assistants returned.  I’ve been seeing her through her open door when I pass by.

I had a feeling she would be the keeper of the secret.

She was.

“Come with me,” she said and led me to a blank white wall tucked around a corner, away from the main flow of foot traffic. 

Inset was a door I’d never noticed before.  It had a sign on it that said:

“Medical Staff Suite. Physicians Entrance.”

“See if your badge works the key pad,” she said.

It didn’t.

“Well, mine does,” she said swiping her badge, and opening the door.  She stood back. “The library is at the end of the hall on the right,” she declared, then left.

Behind that door was a whole different world. A bubble of peaceful comfort.

Suddenly I remembered being twelve and attending a girl’s convent boarding school in England. I had an accident involving a glass window pane being accidentally broken by my wrist. I was pouring blood, and the cookery teacher, a mother of six children - thank goodness - who happened to be passing, went into action. She threw the casserole she was carrying up in the air, grabbed my arm, flung it above my head, and ran me through the nuns' part of the building to get immediate help.

The nuns' section was a secret space much speculated about by my school mates. It was an area shrouded in mystery.

I wasn’t worried about the blood. I wanted to absorb every detail of my surroundings so that I could report back.

Too many decades later I felt exactly the same way.

Beyond the door in the blank wall on the second floor was a full kitchen, a lounge with comfortable chairs, an office section with work stations.

Doctors lounged, worked, ate.

I tried to look confidently medical, and invisible at the same time as I headed down the open corridor towards the back of the space. My ploy worked.  No one seemed to notice me.

A shut door had an attached sign that said it was the library.  A free standing notice barred entry saying a meeting was taking place within.

No!

So I didn’t get in to see the inner, inner sanctum. I didn’t find the magazine article.

But in an odd way I felt that the hospital was giving up its secrets.

I began to wonder why I was so excited to find a hidden section of the hospital.

Perhaps because it mirrors what has been happening in my life. While doing this residency I have become aware of previously unseen old patterns and current triggers. This revelation, and the resulting healing has brought me to a new level of awareness and freedom, which will help me enormously as I go forward.

Also, I have penetrated what was for me the mysterious veil of hospital life. I have become more familiar with grief, death, dedication, and love in action.

We have all learned so much through this harrowing Coronavirus time. True character has been on display. Insecurities and fears have risen to the surface on a wave of exhaustion. But we are still standing. We have endured more than we ever thought we would have to.

Maybe in some mysterious way we are all slipping behind a Harry Potter wall in our lives.

Doors will be opened for us. And if they are not the walls will melt away.

I keep knowing, saying, and believing deep within me that the Lord will make a way for us, even when there seems to be no way.

The lessons we have learned during this pandemic, and the insights we have gleaned are not for nothing.

We are on our way to a new destination. A new chapter in our lives.

And though things aren’t clear yet – the library has not yet been entered – we know what direction to go in.

And we know the space behind the wall, like our futures, is good.